Jacob's Exhibit: The Book of John

I had booked an art exhibit at St. John the Divine that would open in 15 months. I had no idea that I would be five months pregnant with Jacob. I could not have planned this. It was during this pregnancy and this out pouring of creativity that I considered this thought for the first time: I AM MOST CREATIVE WHEN I AM WITH CHILD. This made sense, God is the ultimate artisian and He created me in His image therefore I was created to create. This is the vision that I would base all of my work on in the following years. When I got started on the exhibit it was Fall 2002. I prayed that the Lord would reveal the number of paintings and the scipture that I would dive into. We had been at Gateway for one year and I was sitting in the auditorium soaking up John Burke's words of experience and wisdom. He said, "if you are ready to get close to Jesus reading His word is the best way. Read either the Gospel of Mark or John." That was it. After church I opened up my Life Application Bible and began to read the prelude. The commentator opened with this, "He spoke, and whirled into place, stared burned the heavens and planets began orbiting their suns-words of awesome, unlimited,unleashed power." He spoke of "personal and creative glory" and that"He is the word; He is Jesus, the Christ." This meditation began where I left off with Jonah's Paintings of Creation. John discloses the identity of Christ in the first words, "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He continues this theme throughout the book. John the eyewitness chose eight of Christ's miracles to reveal the His nature. These miracles are 1) water into wine 2) healing the official's son 3) healing the invaild at Bethesda 4) feeding the 5000 with just a two loaves and fish 5) waling on the water 6) restoring sight to the blind man 7) raising Lazarus from the dead 8) giving the disciples an overwhelming catch of fish. You may also see Jesus' nature underscored by the eight names His disciples called Him: Word, the One and Only, Lamb of God, Son of God, True bread, Life, Resurrection and Vine. You can also see the eight names Jesus called himself...The I Am..the bread of life...light of the world...the gate...the good shepherd...the resurrection and the life...the way, the truth and the life...the true vine. Here was the number. I would paint eight paintings that reveal the identity and nature of Christ. The paintings would include the eight miracles that Jesus performed, the eight names his disciples called him and the eight names that He called himself.





Bryan and Stephanie Kuel











Emily Conner












Jessica Bailey

Sarah Cline

Jacob Frost

Sam Frost

Jonah's Exhibit: Creation

The art pieces showcased on the blog entry below, I painted while pregnant with Jonah. The meditation that inspired this work was that God's presence is not bound by time. He is all knowing, all present and all powerful. The scripture that was inspired at the beginning of creation can be seen throughout the old and new testament . His message of grace, love and mercy is seen in the intimate moments of creation and in the Holy Spirit filled words of Paul to Ephesus. I took each day of creation and rendered what I saw in reading the word. I then took a chapter of Ephesians and married it with each day. I was looking for similar ideas. The ideas that manifest through the Holy Spirit, Christ proclaims, or that Paul taught to the people of Ephesus, are the same throughout the ages.

Day One: Ephesians 1:11-12
It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.


Day Two: Ephesians 2:1-6
1-6It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.

Day Three: Ephesians 3:8-10

8-10And so here I am, preaching and writing about things that are way over my head, the inexhaustible riches and generosity of Christ. My task is to bring out in the open and make plain what God, who created all this in the first place, has been doing in secret and behind the scenes all along. Through followers of Jesus like yourselves gathered in churches, this extraordinary plan of God is becoming known and talked about even among the angels!

Day Four: Ephesians 4:4-6

You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.

Day Five: Ephesians 5:8-10

8-10You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You're out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.

Day Six: Ephesians 6:5-8

Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters but always with an eye to obeying the real master, Christ. Don't just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ's servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you're really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free.

Day 7: Rest

It Began with the Table Covers

At the SJD Women’s Retreat 2007 I painted the word Joy over 16 3x3 ft. pieces of butcher block paper. We used these as centerpieces for the Saturday morning session. The ladies were asked to use markers to add color and reflect on the message shared that day to the black and white design. Each paper was a sketch book for the women at that table. They did not know that each table cover came together to spell the word joy. That evening I hung the pieces together and the women were surprised to see the work they had done that day assembled to make a bigger picture. A picture of Joy.
I took each 3x3 ft. design and created a 1x1 in rendering as seen in the sketch above. I cataloged the symbols and thoughts of each table. Table One= Painting One. Each painting reflects the thoughts and inspirations of the small group of women that sat there that day.

Painting One Table One :

Trading in My Shame, Regaining Joy, Dove , White Lily, Sorrow Depart

Painting Two Table Two:

Walk with the Lord, Family of Gold , Friends of Jesus , Rejoice in the Lord Living Water, I am the Alpha and the Omega

Painting Three Table Three: I am Helped, Praise, Blessed art thou among men, Blessed by his holy name

Painting Four Table Four: King of Kings, You are valuable, Bought at a great price, He wants to fill you with joy

Painting Five Table Five: I am laying it down for the joy of the Lord , Joyful Joyful we adore thee My heart trusts in him, Remove sin fear grief and Give to Jesus to carry JC is what I call Him, Butterfly

Painting Six Table Six:Praise be to the Lord, Joy to the World , I am the vine you are the branches unfold, He has heard my cry

Painting Seven Table Seven: Ask Seek Knock, Trading in Sickness , I will give thanks to him in song Bloom for Him, Peace to you my friends, Rid of Cocoon and fly, Butterfly Painting

Eight Table Eight: Crown, Yes, Yes Lord, My heart Leaps for Joy Painting Nine Table Nine
The Lord Delights in You, Daily Bears Burdens, Fear Not Table

Ten Painting Ten:
Seek Me First, Stop being Critical, Put a crown on their Head, Woman of Prayer
Butterfly/Crown/Heart

Table Eleven Painting Eleven: Sonshine, Faith+Hope , Love of God , Reflect his Glory, Trading in Pain Painting Twelve Table Twelve
The Lord is my strength and shield, Coffee, HE wants you

Painting Thirteen Table Thirteen:
Cross with Flowers, He took our pain, Let go of grief fear and resentment

Painting Fourteen Table Fourteen: Trading in My sorrow, Joy , ask seek knock , Fear Not

Painting Fifteen Table Fifteen: Jesus is first, I am with you always , Have a heart for the Lord, Grace , Flowers

Painting Sixteen Table Sixteen: Pray, Sorrow for the Night, Joy Comes in the Morning
Stay Connected to Your Source of Joy

The Map

Now that I had my thumbnail sketches and color palate, it was time to enlarge to 22x22in canvases. The anxiety was there. Will I be able to do it, will people like it, will I mess up, can I get it done. Every time I had doubt I went to the map...the thumbnails. That is exactly what they look like, that is exactly what color to paint.


Two Sunday's ago I put the first layers of color down. I wanted to paint and paint and paint, but I had promised the boys a picnic with friends. We had to leave and I had a cup full of red paint. The time spent painting is so annointed I did not want to waste the paint, sort of like when the Priest consecrates the wine you do not just pour it down the sink, it is injested or it is poured into a sink pipe that goes directly back in the earth. I did not want to waste the paint so I went to the MAP. Where do I need red paint? I had not started paintings 12, 15, 16, 9 and 10 but they needed red paint, so I slathered it on without thinking. I did not need to think because I was following the MAP.

I have shared this meditation with so many over the last two weeks. We do not need to be anxious about anything. We have the word of God. When we get doubtful, confused, rushed or tired and things are not clear...go to Word. It is our map. We don't need to think just act as Christ. Follow his lead, His example, His teachings and His Living Word. We call it living because it is living within us.

Back to Begin

Lets go back to September 25th. During my healing experiences this month I have been obedient to get the vision on paper. Sometimes that is the hardest part.

The first thing I did was take each 3x3ft piece of paper from the women's retreat and create a 1inx1in representation. This gave me the big picture. What the exhibit would look like as a whole. This is the first time I have really understood what it feels like to desire time spent with the Lord. I cleared my schedule, kids in school, baby Jude fast asleep...now is the time. Turn on Joy Williams, Sara Groves, Nicole Nordman Jars of Clay, Gateway Remember Me and the vision poured out of me like water...living water.

During this sweet time with Jesus I set the color palate for the paintings. The sun rise and the sunset are my inspiration. The top eight will be reds and oranges and yellows the bottom eight purples and blues. The word Joy would be green representing my growth, the vines, the branches that are thriving in my garden.

This was so easy. The sixteen paintings are set in motion.

My dear friend Gena may not know how much God has used her to keep me on task. She and I work at Starbucks and have found a lovely relationship. She is 24, an artist and lover of Jesus. Praying with her at my home helped me "clear out my closets" and prepare for what I would paint over the next two months.

She left for a very important road trip with her guy, Shannon. They would be gone for two weeks. I told her that I would pray for her everyday and that when she returned I would have each painting started.

16 canvases and she is back.

Five Months Pregnant

My most creative time has been when I was pregnant with my sons. My first art exhibit was created when I was five months pregnant with Jonah, early 2001. This is when the Lord prompted me to study the word, reflect, then produce my interpretation of scripture through watercolor and canvas.

The first study was Seven Days of Creation and the six chapters of Ephesian. I pondered the divine thought, "in the beginning was the Word, the Word was God and the Word was with God". I thought about the infinite power of God, his omnipresence which enabled him to be present in the old testament and new testament at the same time. God inspiring Moses to articulate creation and Paul to write the book of Ephesians. This stoked my interest. I began to study. I took a cross section of each day of creation and compared it to each book of Ephesians. Day One: Chapter One, Day Two: Chapter Two and so on.
SEE LATER POST FOR ARTWORK.

So I am pregnant with Jude, I am five months pregnant, but this time around I am working and do not have the freedom to paint all day. This past January, I was asked to help "design" the St. John the Divine women's retreat. I brainstormed with my sister Jessica months before and we came up with an amazing array for the women. Our focus being Joy. It was my job to design the table decorations and Jessica and I came up with the idea to have them change every time the women came for a session. The Saturday morning session would have a 3x3 ft. piece of butcher block paper. The night before I laid them out 12ftx12ft and painted the word "Joy" over the entire spread. Each paper represented a piece of the puzzle.

I instructed the women to use this abstract design on the paper to draw, write down thoughts, inspiration, words from Holly Leachman (our speaker) anything they wanted. Each piece of the puzzle was adorned. Later that night, as we set up for the TAIZE service, I tacked the pieces of the puzzle together on the wall. The ladies had no idea that the table covers came together to make a bigger piece of art that spelled out JOY.

This had a huge impact on me, sharing the idea that we are the pieces of the puzzle that make up the body of Christ. So lovely and individual alone, but together representing the body of Christ.

I was worried that I would be too busy to create an exibit for Jude. I could not leave him out of the experience. That night at the TAIZE service the Lord showed me that he had already created the exibit. It was in the art piece JOY that the women and I had created.

Lord of the Breakthrough

It has been one month and a few days since my last entry. I have been obedient to the vision, but first dealing with the obstacles. Removing the obstacles has happened beautifully with a three fold action, incredible Bible Study at Hill Country Bible Church, Calm Heart in a Crazy World. My precious friend Katie Copland is leading it and I have made dear friends who are walking with me as I grasp the understanding of looking at my past and stepping forward as a new creation that God has created me to be every day. This can all be made possible through daily prayer and soaking in the Word of God.

Second Step: Attending Shine at Shoreline Christian Center. This was a three day womens retreat. The message here was to unearth the deeply hidden secrets of our life, bring them to the open so that we can let go, receive healing and shine with the light of Christ.

Finally, my friend, mentor, and spiritual director Kathryn Bonner. She also attended Shine. She has walked with me over the past four years, she has helped me live free from the blocks that come to the creative. To live into the purpose that God has created me for. She has helped me hone in on the voice of God. He has used her as a instrument of precision to gently prune the deep strongholds that had burrowed into my soul. This is such a painful process, one that is almost impossible to do alone. Picture surgically removing a tumor from your gut. Something that had to go. God is the hand of mercy through this precious woman.

This month I have have laid down tremendous burdens. I have not only laid down the burdens of sexual abuse, emotional abuse and abandonment, but have placed them in Jesus' hands. The burdens I have carried, laid down and picked back up my entire life have manifested in the anxious heart of a strong woman of God, that's me. This heart, with so much love to share, but paralyzed with fear, guilt and shame. Most of my afternoons this past month have been spent in the garage(studio) working, reflecting, worshiping, and listening to Your sweet voice. The kids play out front with the neighbors. They are so interested in the paintings. Part of the process is articulating the vison. The Lord has given me plenty of opportunities to do that. It is wonderful to see people get it. Jacob (PK), Jonah (1st), Mia(2nd), Brittney(7th), Brianna (8th) are all the kids on our block impacted by the process. The story behind the design, the pencil drawings, the thumbnail sketches and finally, that paint is hitting canvas. They want to be a part, I want them to be a part, and I want you to be a part of it too.

Lord of the Breakthrough. Lord of the Breakthrough. We worship you. We worship you.

Begin

The desire to produce an outpouring of my heart on canvas has been there for several years. 

Many obstacles prevent me from creating anything. 

It is all there, I just cannot do it. It is like my prayers. They are there desperate to come forth but I cannot utter the words. The prayers are on my heart...is that good enough? Do you hear me Lord. 

"I hear you dear, but you have to say them, I want to hear you praise me, thank me and ask me. I see your masterpiece but I want to see you create it. I want you to draw near to me in obedience and be a vessel for my words and my vision. I see your masterpiece but I want others to see it. I want others to hear the message of my grace."

When I think about the gift of creativity, I go quickly to the image of my grandmother, Mary Leah Lawrence. I think of the paintings she has created, the homes she has designed, her favorite color celedon and her love for the monochromatic. 

I think of her beauty inside and out and how through her devotion to the word of God she has touched so many and shared her gift. This is what I want to do.

So today I begin.